Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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