his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
