Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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