Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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