we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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