Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
