I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
