bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
