I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
