you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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