I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
