Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
