Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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