We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
