i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
