I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
