So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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