last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
