How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
