once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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