So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
