Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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