i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
