Where did you get a picture of my penis
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
