Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
