Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
