I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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