i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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