Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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