If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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