I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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