Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just google imaged poop.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
