seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
