my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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