Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
