First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
