So drunk its hurt
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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