Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
