last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
