You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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