My friends, they love my intelligence
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
