What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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