You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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