my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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