2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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