OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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