It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
