The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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