Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
