do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm way too hungover for life right now
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
